7 Parenting Mysteries this Mama Can’t Solve
I have been ‘Mama’ for 16 years now and there are some mysteries I still cannot solve. I try to roll with them, adapt, and possibly beat them. Parenting is a magical blend of the best moments possible and some of the most trying moments possible. These puzzles fall into neither of those categories. Instead, they fall into that category every parent knows: the teeth grinding, utterly frustrating, “You have to be be kidding me,” category. Maybe your Parenting Puzzles are different than mine, if so please comment and share. Or, maybe you have solved these perplexing, persistent, problematic, parenting puzzles and if so Share! Right Away! If not, at least you know you aren’t alone. Here are my top 7 Parenting Mysteries I just cannot solve.
1. The Mystery of the Spoons: As soon as my children learned to walk they learned to lose spoons. Seriously, I can have a drawer of spoons on Monday, and 3 spoons six days later. Truth is I don’t know where the spoons are going, I have some theories: in the garbage, under beds, possibly drug addicted gnomes, the theories are wide, varied, and possibly mythological in their basis. BUT, I have finally come up with a Mama Hack to make this endless spoon mystery tolerable. Whenever I go to yard sales, estate sales, or rummage sales I snatch up any cheap silverware I can find. There is a secret box of low cost silverware hidden in my home right now so that I can replenish the spoons (and sometimes forks too) without spending a bunch.
2. The Mystery of the Socks: Children of the world what are you doing with your socks? None of us parents really believe the washer is eating them (the dryer though, it might have nefarious sock-related plans). Now, I have found socks shoved under couches, in cushions, under beds, under dressers. Kids are like tiny hoarders, that only hoard one single sock of each pair. My Mama Hack here? I only buy my son solid back or white socks. At least this way they always match. For my daughter I have found funky socks are the answer. If (when) one funky socks disappears no worries! I match up one funky sock with another one, because in my lil girl’s mind un-matching funky socks are cool!
3. The Mystery of the Ever-Changing Child Palate: All week you loved yogurt. So I bought you more yogurt, and now you hate it. Yogurt doesn’t grow on trees children! This doesn’t just happen with yogurt, it happens with pretty much every food that comes into my house. This happens over and over, first they love it, then I buy more, then they hate it, then I either have to eat it all, shove it in their Dad’s work lunch, or throw it out. I would love to say I have a Mama Hack for this, I don’t. The closest I have come is I don’t buy certain things if I bought it the last week or two in a row. My attempt to stay ahead of their food whims works half time, best case whatever food has fallen out of their favor is hopefully one with a long shelf life.
4. The Mystery of Selective Finding Abilities: So child of mine you can’t find your homework, one of your shoes, the stuffed animal you HAVE TO sleep with, or that form you need me to sign by yesterday. BUT, let me get a bag of M&M’s or a box of cookies (while you aren’t even at home) and hide them. And somehow, you can sense and locate them within minutes (and in most cases eat them all, also within minutes). If I put a cookie in your shoe would you then be able to find it so we aren’t rushing out the door 7 minutes late every day!?! I have no hack for this, seriously if you do please share!!
5. The Mystery of the Paper Rolls: Toilet paper, paper towels, no fail if someone uses the last of the roll that empty brown tube will sit there until the Magical Mama Fairy puts a new tube on. I am pretty sure every member of this house pees. What do they do if I am not home? What kind of toilet paper-less anarchy goes on? Again, I wish I had some Mommy-genius to share with you, but I have nothing, best I can say is they have me trained at this point to just bring toilet paper to the bathroom just in case. Because, this Mama will not get caught peeing toilet-paperless ever again!
6. The Mystery of the Crayons & Markers: I take them all away after some child-artistry goes wrong (on the wall, on their toys, on the dog, on themselves). And, yet, unlike socks and spoons you somehow always have a secret stash I know nothing about! Where are you getting all these crayons and markers from? Is this where the socks are hidden? And the spoons? I don’t think there is a hack for this, kids can sense coloring tools of mass destruction like they can sense secret cookies. Honestly, I would rather lose my Oreos than scrub marker off another wall, toy, or pet again.
7. The Mysteries of Selective Hearing: I can whisper, “Anyone want cake right now,” and no matter where the kids are in the house they can hear me. (They could be down the street at a friends and would somehow hear me.) But I can also yell, at the top of my lungs, “Can someone bring me toilet paper,” and no one heard a thing. I can call for my kids by name and they hear nothing. I don’t know about all the other parents out there, but this Mama will not be ignored. I have found the sure fire way to get everyone into the living room quite quickly- unplug your wifi router for a few minutes. The whole family will come running- to confirm something is wrong with the internet. I need the garbage changed- unplug the router, have a question about their day- unplug the router, just want to mess with their heads- unplug the router and then plug it back in before they make it to the living room. (I know that one is a little mean, but so much fun.)
There are so many more Parenting Puzzles out there. What are your mysteries? How do you deal? Where do you hide the cookies? Let me know in the comments, even if we can’t solve these puzzles at least we can form a nice little support group to deal with them!